


Wile

by tkjarrah



Series: Non-Platonic Subtext [6]
Category: Parahumans Series - Wildbow
Genre: Gen, Parahumans (Parahumans Series), Post-Golden Morning (Parahumans), Ward - Wildbow, dont ask, groupchat fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-06-09 16:25:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19479646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tkjarrah/pseuds/tkjarrah
Summary: It's a groupchat fic, you know the drill.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> seriously i dont know why i made this either  
> was thinking about breakthrough groupchats, figured there would be a gays only zone - ashley tristan and then vista once theyd met her  
> they didnt want imp but she kept breaking in until they gave up and just added her bc it was easier  
> BackhairBoy is Tristan, shame of the bi community is vista, ashley 2 the sequel to ashley is ashley, het it & forget it is imp

**#turn-the-friggin'-capes-gay**

**Backhair Boy:** give me your body?!

give me your body

ashley

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** I was missing a leg.

It slipped out.

 **shame of the bi community:** she

actlly sd tht?

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** She is right here.

 **shame of the bi community:** u actlly sd tht??!!!

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** …

...Yes.

 **Backhair Boy:** yes

 **het it & forget it:** yes

 **shame of the bi community:** wait wait wai 

imp u wrnt there

 **het it & forget it:** you dont know that

 **shame of the bi community:** so u sd *tht*

 **het it & forget it:** couldve been just hanging around

putting wet fingers in people’s ears

I do that sometimes

 **shame of the bi community:** to big v

& she jst

didnt react?

 **Backhair Boy:** dint blink twice

 **shame of the bi community:** dint

 **het it & forget it:** dint

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** Dint

 **Backhair Boy:** shut up

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** She didn’t react, no.

 **shame of the bi community:** damnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

 **het it & forget it:** she’s fucking straight dude move on

 **shame of the bi community:** i mean

 **shame of the bi community:** k wait imp

 **het it & forget it:** tell me im wrong

 **Backhair Boy:** you’re not not wrong

 **shame of the bi community:** its not

yeah

wht T sd

Big v big bde

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** BDE?

 **Backhair Boy:** big dick energy

 **het it & forget it:** bong diaper energy

 **shame of the bi community:** big DYKE energy

jesus

 **het it & forget it:** bong dyke energy

 **Backhair Boy** changed the nickname for **Imp** to **bong dyke energy**

 **bong dyke energy:** thank you

 **shame of the bi community:** trst me ive knwn v lngst

A shld stp w8in 4 her

U dsrve bttr thn tht

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** …

Mm.

 **shame of the bi community:** but id bet money

NOT real money bt money

on her bein just dply clstd

closeted

 **Backhair Boy:** whoof yeah

yall have met brandish right

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** Sadly, yes.

 **bong dyke energy:** yes but she hasnt met me heyo

 **shame of the bi community:** u sd tht like it was innuendo bt it wsnt

 **bong dyke energy:** who said it wasnt

 **shame of the bi community:** english

 **Backhair Boy:** language

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** A basic understanding of the English language.

 **bong dyke energy:** fuck you all 

**shame of the bi community:** i hvnt not rlly

not in a while

i guess

homophobe?

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** Yes

 **Backhair Boy:** nooooooot...

well its

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** Big Homophobe Energy, to follow the convention.

 **Backhair Boy:** ^

 **shame of the bi community:** oh christ

haircut?

 **Backhair Boy:** the haircut

 **bong dyke energy:** god i have gossip that would BLOW this conversation to pieces

But im not going to tell you

Because it would be wrong

 **Backhair Boy:** why the fuck were you spying on carol dallon

 **bong dyke energy:** i didnt evne say

Okay fine yes I was whatever but

its so fucking juicy thooooo

 **shame of the bi community:** we know ur gng 2 tell us

also since whn do u care abt morality

since whn do u *know* abt morality

 **bong dyke energy:** point!

Carol and natalie have hooked up at least once

Boom

 **shame of the bi community:** …

 **Backhair Boy:** …

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** …

 **Backhair Boy:**...

*our* natalie?

Breakthrough natalie?

 **bong dyke energy:** the one and only

Natalie matteson

Matalie natteson

Natmat

 **shame of the bi community:** this

i dnt

what

WHAT

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** ...if this is a lie...

 **bong dyke energy:** cross my heart hope to die

no offense ash

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** None taken

 **bong dyke energy:** i was visiting the firm for

Reasons

 **shame of the bi community:** crime rsns

 **bong dyke energy:** Crime reasons

And they barged into a filing room while i was in there 

Going at it like hares

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** Rabbits.

 **bong dyke energy:** what?

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** The saying is ‘going at it like rabbits’.

 **bong dyke energy:** goddddd you sound just like

 **Backhair Boy:**...

 **bong dyke energy:** so yeah

 **Backhair Boy:** wait they saw you?

 **bong dyke energy:** fuck no dude i had my power on

dont insult me

I couldve punched em in the face and they wouldnt have noticed

Well okay they probably wouldve noticed

But they wouldnt have known it was me

 **shame of the bi community:** i m lsing my GDAMN MIND over here

NATALIE?!

Lwyr natalie?!

& V'S MTHR?!

V'S MARRIED MTHR?!

 **bong dyke energy:** look dude i dont fuck with marriages

What is a marriage

No one has ever explained it 2 me

 **shame of the bi community:** WHO IS LK 20 YRS OLDER THN NATALIE?!

 **shame of the bi community:** WHY AM I THE ONLY 1 FRKING OUT ABT THIS

 **bong dyke energy:** all i know is that it was super hot

100% went in the spankbank

 **Backhair Boy:** tax

 **shame of the bi community:** tax

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** Tax

 **bong dyke energy:** booooo!

Doesn’t count

 **shame of the bi community:** no rfrncing how/when/why you mstrbte, ‘spankbank’ counts

 **shame of the bi community:** pay up

 **bong dyke energy:** ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

fine

 **shame of the bi community:** where we at actlly

 **Backhair Boy:** uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Lemme check

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** Not even enough for a single drink.

 **shame of the bi community:** what

we hvnt used it 4 months wtf

 **bong dyke energy:** uh

I may have

Needed some petty cash

 **shame of the bi community:** you

are

A CRMNL

STEAL SOME

FRM OTHER PPL

STEAL FRM STR8 PPL

 **bong dyke energy:** ohhh fine i didnt actually steal it

Paid Parian to make shirts that say “cloning makes you gay” 

Was gonna be a big surprise

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:**...

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** A worthy use if there ever was one.

 **Backhair Boy:** yeah im cool with this

 **shame of the bi community:** yeah thts dope actlly yelling retracted

 **bong dyke energy:** see this is why i like you guys


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> takes place after a few weeks after Wire, so click the 'Previous Work' link to read that if you haven't.

**#turn-the-friggin'-capes-gay**

**bong dyke energy:** no no this is what im saying

its only pegging if it’s a woman

with a strap-on

fucking a dude in the ass

if its like

two dudes

that’s just sex

you don’t need a term for that

well you do

but its just ‘sex’

and honestly

 **Victoria** has joined the chat.

Let the straights have this

Holy shit

 **caprihorn:** …

 **bi-by-bye:** …

 **bong dyke energy:** HOLY SHIT

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

 **Victoria:** um. Hi

 **bong dyke energy:** HOLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYY SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

 **caprihorn:** hi vicky!

 **bong dyke energy:** * crumps furiously *

 **caprihorn:** sorry about imp

 **bi-by-bye:** evrgreen statmnt

Bt hi big v

 **Victoria:** missy?

 **bi-by-bye:** 1 & only

A im asumng ths isnt a mstke?

Accdntl add?

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** Not a mistake, no.

 **bong dyke energy:** WE

ARE

FAMILY

DAH NAH NAH NAH NAH

 **Victoria:** wait did you say ‘imp’

 **bong dyke energy:** I GOT ALL MY SISTERS WITH ME

 **caprihorn:** yes, and yes

its her

 **bong dyke energy:** SING IT FOR ME

sup glory hole! welcome to the muffdivers association

population: you

 **Victoria:** how did she even get on here?

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** Long story.

 **bong dyke energy:** The Sensible Shoes Union

the uh

Clam Chow-ers?

is that

 **Imp** has been muted for [1 minute]

 **bi-by-bye:** thx t

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** Yes, thank you, Tristan.

 **caprihorn:** sorry about her, vic.

 **Victoria:** its… alright, i guess. im still confused as to why she’s here in the first place to be honest. also is missy okay? is there something wrong with her phone?

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** Sadly, no.

 **bi-by-bye:** sdly?! btch wht

 **caprihorn:** that’s just how she types.

i think she has one of those phones with the letters on the numpad?

 **bi-by-bye:** u cnt prve tht

bt hey cngrts!

ths is lk new, rght?

 **caprihorn:** yessss tell us *everything*.

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** I think we’ll refrain from baring our entire relationship to the peanut gallery.

 **bi-by-bye:** RLTNSHP??!!??!

 **Victoria:** things… came to a head. i sort of became aware i had maybe been. Missing some things.

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** By which, she means she was made aware.

 **Victoria:** there certainly could’ve been worse ways to find out

 **bi-by-bye:** DSGSTNGLY SPPY

i lve it

hw lng ago ws ths?

 **Victoria:** missy im really sorry but i cannot understand you at all. don’t you have a computer you can use instead?

 **bi-by-bye:** …

u cn get ths sht on cmptrs?

 **caprihorn:** missy did you not know that?

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** I have never once messaged from a phone.

 **Victoria:** shes showing me her phone and yeah its not on there. there is something called Carrot Cache, though?

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** …

I cannot trust anyone, it seems.

 **bi-by-bye:** wait r u 2 in th sm rm.

 **Victoria:** eEqxAj9wqM.i

 **caprihorn:** cute!

 **bi-by-bye:** huh tbh i wldv pggd V as bg spn

 **Victoria:** …you know what? i don’t think i actually want to follow that one up.

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** Agreed.

 **bong dyke energy:** BITCH YES FRIEND ME IN CARROT CACHE

also im back fup suckers

sup fuckers

 **Victoria:** seriously, why is she here? how did that even happen? im trying to imagine a reason and i keep coming up blank.

 **caprihorn:** its not actually that interesting?

she found out about the chat somehow and just kept joining, even though we kicked her.

presumably tattletale kept getting her in.

 **bong dyke energy:** of cawz

also look i spend my entire life babysitting a bunch of psychopathically straight teenagers i need this

Psychopath about being straight but also psychopath in general

I need to recharge with gays and you’re the best option

sadly

 **bi-by-bye:** wt tt isnt fam?

 **bong dyke energy:** shockingly no

ace/aro 

or you know basically functionally that

 **caprihorn:** …huh.

 **bi-by-bye:** yeah huh

Thts knda cool

In a

‘Mre fmle grds @ auschwitz’ 

way

 **caprihorn:** jesus missy

 **bong dyke energy:** yeah christ

 **bi-by-bye:** wht im jewish ish i cn mke tht jk

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** Jewish… ish?

 **bi-by-bye:** ish

u knw hw it is

1/2 fam keeps faith, 1/2 dnt & they bnce in & out mrry out & in w/e

Jewish

Ish

 **caprihorn:** ish

 **bi-by-bye:** ish

 **bong dyke energy:** call me ish

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** ...

 **caprihorn:** what?

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** Not the reference I would have expected from you, I’ll admit

 **bi-by-bye:** w8 tht was a rfrnce?

 **Victoria:** moby dick. the first line is ‘call me Ishmael’.

 **bong dyke energy:** im sophistimicated i know book words

 **Victoria:** Is it like this all the time in here? Because this is… exhausting, to be honest.

 **caprihorn:** yeah pretty much sorry!

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** I wanted to give her a taste of what I’ve been dealing with.

Which she now has.

 **bi-by-bye:** jn us big v

Jn us in the gay whirlpl

bi whirlpl w/e

 **bong dyke energy:** boo gender traitor

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** Atwood? From you, of all people?

 **bong dyke energy:** so

Phis

Ti

Mi

Ca

Ted

Actually though do you want to talk about it cause i really do and i dont know anyone else who cares

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** I will direct message you.

 **bi-by-bye:** A were gnna get u 2 use acrnyms if it kills us

 **ashley 2 the sequel to ashley:** It will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> at some point i will do other chats i promise this one is just too much fun  
> (the song imp is 'singing': https://youtu.be/uyGY2NfYpeE)


End file.
